I am going to be using Everything is going to be all right 2
as my home....

moved in...

I migrated my journal but it didn't go to my new one...oh well. I guess I'll have to copy and paste my entries from that one. anyway, being here gave me a chance to read my old entries from 2004...Wow this girl has grown up....WAY up!

And to think some of the same crap that was going on with my kids is still the same! Same with the jobs, but NOW I'd don't let it bother me...plus Mark and I have back up jobs! And God! He's my back up job!

ever the rebel...

ever the optimist I am going to hang out here in AOL land until last call...even though I don't drink I can still party with the best of 'em!!! 

Things are very fall like around the Midwest, nice temperatures with only a hint of rain.  Hubby's working construction after a 7 week layoff (I've been so busy I thought it was only 5 weeks!!)  I have a sports trip every evening, getting home before 7, with hubby home at 3:00 he's been making dinner.  I think because Jeremy and Jim are officially moved in next door, he's feeding them too....sigh...sometimes it's hard to let go...
speaking of, my son Eric has had enough of being in Ohio, working a stressful job and being 5 hours from family...he's finding a WAY to come home...transfer, beg, whatever...he misses family & security of knowing someone who loves you has your back.   He's planning on moving in his dad and step mom to save money, by Thanksgiving.  It'll be good for them all.

Dale has his first session with my friend the therapist today.   I trust it will go well...she yelled at me last week because I do everyone's laundry.  I depend on my washing machine, and with at one time 7 people's worth of large jeans I do NOT let anyone touch my machine.  She says they should go to the laundromat.  whatever...

Otherwise AOL I am staying until you throw all my stuff on the curb! 

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I am here!

http://everythingisgoingtobeallright2.blogspot.com/  I am moving on...too!

Dang it!!

Just got the email regarding AOL journals!!!  I have over four years of journal to figure out how to save...a fitting end to a very, very crappy day...

The babies are coming!  Jeremy is renting the house next door to me...officially...and he's taking my stepson, Jim who's been here for nearly 2 years with him!!

The youngest, Dale after many threats and weeks went to Target this morning to apply for a stocking job...with Liz as his reference he is pretty sure he will be employed by weeks end.  He feels this job is beneath him as he is used to well paying construction jobs...but with the current economy his older brothers may be joining him. ;)

Mrs H is in the nursing home, healing, having us still work for her, and demanding to be sent home.  Guess I was wrong, she's feisty as ever and wants to keep on hanging around this earth for a while.  She often tells me St Peter asks God if it's time for her to come to Heaven...He says not yet!


Hubby's 35th reunion Friday evening get together. 

Fun, but Saturday's picnic was better...less alcohol by some...Here's some comments...D says, "I don't remember you, who were you?" to me...and " I had such a crush on Mark during junior high"   By the end of it all as with all things age is the great equalizer.  People I thought were snobs are now down to earth, others are trying too hard to look either young or older than their years.  Otherwise it was a great time.

Another busy work week...but busy is good...especially with 3 school days off in October...God I love my job!

mrs. h

I can't figure out why this underlined ... It won't undo...::sigh:::

I am sitting here trying to phrase what I want to say...perhaps it's sadness, perhaps frustration, I got word yesterday from my friend J that Mrs H, whom we both work for took a fall and broke her arm.  J and I went to see her last evening at the hospital and she seems resigned to the fact that this was inevitable.  The fateful day had come when she would no longer be able to live in her apartment.  A nursing home was in her future.  I feel such great sadness not only for those of us girls whom have become her dear friends but for her.  Hiring us was her last grasp of independence.  Now she will have to go into full time care.  She is a woman who has always been independent, a fair yet sometimes stern employer, but always with a sense of humor or a kind word upon my departure each work day.  Maybe it's us who has to accept it.  Working for her was never about the money.  It was about sharing a friendship with an elder who showed me that getting older was not so bad, that the road ahead was bumpy, but I'd be ok.  Her way was always, always be true to yourself, work hard, don't use dope (a person will sell their mother's eyeballs for dope, her mother used to tell her), and stay happy.  It's hard to be happy today.  My friend is fading away and there is nothing I can do, but understand that this is life.  Her life, Mrs H's way.  She seemed relieved...so for her I will be too.

I am now allowed on facebook!!!

Between cleaning my house, listening to my husband freak out about his job via the nextel (he does this once a month, freak out that is), I have been on and off the computer.  I wanted some updated photos of my daughter so I tried to go onto her facebook, BUT I have to be invited...she told me I could be her friend and swipe picture just as long as I do NOT read anything she writes.  Ho hum, she's nearly 20, I really do not care what she writes about anymore...it's her business.

anywho...here's some pictures of the girl past and present...

show chorus Junior year...Liz is front left...

can't make this picture any bigger, but it's me, Liz and her girlfriend Monika, at Jeremy and Tracey's wedding...which was March 2004.

My girl now and her boyfriend Mike...the new Mike.  She and the old Mike still speak...which to me is an amazing thing, civilly.  I could never do that...I was always the vengeful type...I have the utmost respect for my kid.  My children are my best gift to this world.

 

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http://soldiersangels.org/index.php?page=adopt-a-soldier

 

I have never figured out how to put links on a journal tied to a picture so the above link is for a group called Soldiers' Angels.  This organization was recommended to me a while ago. I adopted a soldier and truly  feel the need to get the word out.  The other day I was sent a couple of emails from the group for the need for more people to adopt our soldiers.  When the political parties started bad mouthing the President for the war I knew I had to take some sort of action.  The war is a reality, agree or not, our men and women are still there fighting for our freedom.  It was the least I could do to help out.  It's not a big thing...a few cards a month...a care package here and there.  There's even an online store with prepackaged items that all you do is order & click your payment and off it goes.  Easy enough.  I was thrilled when I got an email AND a card of thanks from my soldier.  If you know a group such as a church, youth, scouts or such that would be willing to make this commitment just go to the link or go there yourself.  You will never regret it.

I try and remember that life is a process when I get bogged down by the daily ups and downs of life.  This week I have worked to at a least 6:30 every evening.  Mark worked the post office route again, a split shift ending at after 8 PM.  I am the type that can take a lot of stress, this week when I felt stressed out I took a walk...or took a nap.  The beauty of my job is I can take catnaps during layovers.  It's amazing how comfy a bus seat can be.  Or a walk in the neighborhood during sports trips.  Driving children in this crazy fast paced world is very stressful.  Especially since the honeymoon period is over and a couple of my kids on all of my routes are starting to push my rules.  The high school route only  one kid and he's easy enough to get into line.  The junior high route is a long a couple of busy highways with two stops that at least one car goes by my stop arm while my student is getting off the bus.  One crazy lady even tried to pass 2 cars behind me to pass on the right side.  The poor shocked kid could only scream STOP you stupid lady.  She did and from now on I move over as far as I can on the large shoulder.  People are nuts, they are getting to be more careless on the road too.  My grade school route is large from an upper middle class neighborhood, but they are very in to making the adults happy so they are easy to manage.

As for the stepson...things are getting worse, as a couple we have decided to see my favorite therapist to discuss an action plan.  I think the kid needs to be put out.  His actions are still out of control.  Mark thinks keeping the kid busy will help, but the kid is so used to conning that it's become a habit.  I think he should go to rehab, as he uses alcohol as an escape.  We shall see what my friend says.

Today is a day off, except for my evening of work with Mrs. H.  Tomorrow is going to be a gorgeous day and we have motorcycle fundraiser to go to.  We went last year.  It's for ovarian cancer research on behalf of a friend who died from the disease.  She started something special a few years ago and her husband has kept it going.

Now I need to attend to the dust in my living room...

 

 

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preception...

We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.

~ Epictetus Quotes from The Enchiridion

 

Thank you Mary for your entry.  Thanks for reading people & commenting.  More than anything I enjoy meeting new people. I started my journal back in 2004.  Anybody who thinks I have it together should read some of my old entries.  I was one scared girl...so much was happening back then...and I was full of fear. But over the years things have worked out.  I just did what I was taught, give up the power, do the next right thing and push forward.  Oh and work, my husband & I have worked our butts off to clean up the mess of our circumstances.  

I could have looked at things from the point of view of a victim..."these bad things happened to us...wah!"  But in reality stuff happens to everybody.  Death, job loss, divorce, kids getting arrested, crappy ex's...happens everyday to everybody.  I have found that it's all in how you look at things.  Every thing that I thought was a bad thing has always been used in my life.  And often things I used to think I wanted in life, even begged God for turned out to be not so good for me.  A job my husband really wanted ended up going out of business.  For years I wanted my stepson to move in with us, but ha ha he's here and 21 and it's not so fun...but he's here and now what am going to do about it?  Baby him like his mom?  no...he did come home, had a million excuses...I simply told him that I was sick of him using us...that nudged him into some sort of thought...we shall see how far.  He did mow the lawn today unasked...no he needs to go look for a job...I don't need a handy man.

Now the grand babies...they came for a visit yesterday.  Dayton kept looking at me with his baby blues pointing at me and saying "grandma..."  batting his little eyes in a way only a two year old could do...Now...my stepson wants to rent the house next door...like I said be careful what you wish for.  But I'll be baby heaven!

I knew things would change...they always do, better or worse, good or bad life always has it's surprises....& I am glad I am around to experience them!

rain rain go away...

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else - you are the one who gets burned."
- The Buddha

 

Rain, rain and more rain...with or without Ike we have had steady rain for 3 days and nights.  Not as bad as 1995 when roads were impassible, but worse than last summer when the park next to the river was floated (flooded) as Jacob called it.   The rain gauge at Mrs. H apartment complex spilled over at 5 inches...

Things concerning our children are going downhill...haven't seen the grand kids, but once in weeks, the two little guys came over with their dad for a little bit...Dayton cried when they had to go, other grandma intercepts them before I can...my youngest stepson got his cast off (he cut his tendons 5 weeks ago right before he came here) Friday, he left on the train to go back to where he used to live (ex girl <who put him in jail> friend's house ??)saying he was going to a friends and hasn't been heard from since.  Funny thing girlfriend hasn't called her normal 10 times a day...The weather has prevented Mark from working construction for 3 weeks.

BUT...what goes down MUST come up...I always always try and find the silver lining even in a downpour...the kids always need dependable Grandma Roses (as Dayton calls me), my stepson will do what he does until he gets sick of it or has to go back to jail...and there is plenty of work hauling mail for Mark...PLUS...I have sports trips every day after work...overtime...more than makes up for the losses...God provides, even in the midst of the storm.

And I finally made it to church today...did somebody call the minister and tell him I was coming?...because he sure was talking to me this morning...

Despite it all I am at = ) ! 

Ike comes to Illinois

The rain started Thursday night and hasn't stopped yet.  They (the weather) says it's not even the worst yet...Ike will be heading up here tomorrow.  Northern Illinois already has 9 inches of rain. 

The two local high school teams played each other last night...the cross town challenge it's called.  Besides team buses, equipment buses, cheerleaders, student fans, cheerleaders, along with fans bused to another school because of limited parking.  I drove one of the four band buses...stood in the rain for an hour and watched the game until we sought refuge on one of our buses.  My school easily won.   My bus was saved the mud of the team as I had the drum section of the band and all they were was wet, happy and singing the 5 miles back to their own school. 

Today is more rain, and working with Mrs. H...

finding recovery...

I was asked by a j-land friend to write about my recovery. My recovery ... something that is so part of me that I really don't think about it much as that...recovery. It's basically my life now, a way of living that I don't think I could change now even if I tried. The word recovery implies that some thing needs to be found or re found...for me it was finding me. I have always been a seeker...attention, my parents, friends, God, the unknown,...then men. But the loner in me pushed people away, or I clung to them. Growing up I was the spoiled, never wanting to go to school type, then one day age 12, I demanded my parents put me in private school or else...we moved. I was powerful...but the twist was I loved my new school, 8th grade was wonderful, I had friends, but still felt out of place. I lost 40 pounds of baby fat in high school, got good grades, was involved in school, drama club, pep club, I had a boyfriend my junior year, a tall boy who was two years younger than me. I wanted to be perfect, but felt like a freak...then I graduated, the boy moved, I got a job and went to junior college, then a friend took me to a bar...I met alcohol...I never ever was the same....

Alcohol was my friend, my best friend...after a few drinks I was no longer shy, quiet out of place...I was powerful...I never drank like a normal person. I got married on a dare, had two children because his mother told me to...then my world feel apart when my then husband accused me of cheating, (which was all in his head, I never cheated)...at some point during this time I crossed the imaginary line that all people who abuse substances crosses...the line where we lose the power of choice. I no longer could choose what would happen if I drank. There was no moderation. I divorced, moved into my parents home, had another child, crashed two cars, had a couple of very sad relationships and then the revolving door of recovery begun. It took over 4 years to finally stay stopped, I tried everything...self help books, church, prayer groups, yoga, meditation, 12 step programs, in and outpatient treatment, diet, exercise, moderation...I tried it all. In the end it came down to this...humbling myself and surrendering to something bigger than myself (for me God). I had no power...I needed help. Fortunately I got it, I took direction from sober people and thankfully after over 20 years I no longer use alcohol. I have the life I always wanted. Anything worth having takes time...and work....something I gladly do to keep the life I have...freedom ... what I have I freely give away...

 

 

a working holiday

Mark and I both work on the weekends.  He hauling mail from the postal centers, me working for Mrs. H.  Nobody wants to work on Labor Day so I will be there Monday morning.  No big thing.  Mrs. H's age and experiences fill a void in me...I have no mother, and my mother in law is thousands of miles away...Mrs. H lets me know that the road ahead is sometimes hard, but "stay true to yourself and you'll be ok, kid".  Working for her is not hard, sometimes mentally, but I am tolerant, I think being 50 brings a bit of wisdom in itself, life's problems aren't such a big deal anymore.  I have no room to complain about my aches and pains around her, I am still very young.

Some of my stepsons are still going through some major issues right now, some happy, some not so, even tragic, major life altering.  I am sad, but as with looking at my own bumpy past I realize things always work out, our experiences either define us & we grow or fade away into our own cave of depression.  Through divorce, alcoholism, moves and job changes everything works out one way or the other.  For me, I have to know when to step in and when to shut my mouth.  I was very disappointed to find out that I wasn't able to have my grandsons on Friday night as planned.  Things happened, others interfered and I was overlooked, not even notified until I called to see what was going on.  I was angry at first, blew up, vented, then I realized that this as always was the way things were done when there was a crisis with these guys...I looked back at our past and saw this...but things always, always swung back ... back to norm.  

Took a deep breath, called my son, had Liz call her boyfriend and we'll be having our own picnic Monday.

The new school year started fine, my routes are great, nice children and I only made 2 kids cry!

As for my golf story...I was all set to have a couple hour trip which lasted much longer.  The very small team of 6 freshman were bused to a golf outing in a very upscale subdivision.  Even though every male in my family plays golf I have no clue as to how it's played.  When I dropped the boys off at the clubhouse coach told me they'd be done in 4 hours, instead it was 7.  Fortunately for me I love to walk and had money for an ice tea, which I had to pay for at the bar...a bus driver in a bar !!  The neighborhood was lovely, at least 1/2 a million dollar homes set up in rows with garages and alley ways in the back.  They had their own little town square complete with a store, dry cleaner and fire truck!

Mostly I admired the landscaping.  Very lovely, and colorful, with perfectly bright green grass.  Being it was a new development most of trees were young and short.  A sure sign of  new.   Many of the homes had various types of fencing, arbors, patios/porches/decks.  The yards were too small for swimming pools, maybe I missed the clubhouse which contained the 'town' pool.  One family even got adventurous and had 4 large tomato plants growing out back. 

Mostly Hummers, BMW's and higher end cars parked in the driveways.   The streets didn't have normal 4 way stops they had the fancy European circular 5 way stops.  Thankfully with stop signs rather than yields...which are scary for a bus driver as no one wants to be the one to yield! 

I think money most buy whatever it wants as one area even had palm trees growing...from the ground, not in pots...unheard of in Illinois!

It was a nice place to visit, but there is no place like home!  We have trees taller than 10 foot high!    Maybe in 20 years I'll visit again and see how far they've come!

Until then I'll enjoy the rest of my weekend and you do the same!

 

 

let the school year begin...

Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience."
– Victoria Holt

 

The beginning of the school year is Wednesday.  For those of us in education it started roughly last week.  Meetings, route bidding, ID badge pictures, more meetings, whining, b*tching, and moaning...oh did I say that??!  I for one try very hard not to do the last three, ok, some whining...BUT for me I thank my lucky stars every day for my job.  It has a retirement, great insurance, many many days off, even weeks off.  They even figure out our pay so we get a pay check for the breaks for when the schools have off...

I was quite miffed by the reaction of some of my co-workers when they learned that some of us have to drive shuttle buses to the meetings that the whole district have to attend on Monday.  The meeting usually last an hour, tops.  We will be paid for the whole day, 6 hours.  Not only were they mad,   but some even refused to attend the manatory district wide meeting.  There will be probably 30 buses used to shuttle teachers from their various home schools to the larger high school for the meeting, this is to save parking, which is at a premium. 

AND the director had the nerve to start at the top of seniority to pick the drivers of these shuttles.  Good God how could he do such a thing???  Senior drivers should never be bothered to do such low some work.  I was just so excited to have so much seniority now that I got picked too.  Oh and we get paid for Tuesday which is a day off...and we do not even have to be at work!!

The attitude at work is really low, already..."be part of the solution ROSE" is my motto.

At least my routes look good.  I know the areas and I can usually tell how the kids will be.  I do have a high school route this year, haven't had one for at least 3 years. 

I never know how things will be until school starts...never can tell how the kids willbe, or worse the parents...

I did not pick an early childhood route, I do not want a monitor this year...I really want my job to my sane place this year, so I chose kindergartners to take to school and another one to take home.  I have seat belts,  these kids will be tied down, excited 5 year olds love to stand up.

My  life concerning my children is still up and down.  Dale, my stepson is still here, and a work in progress.  He still tries to BS my husband, but rarely does he get anything by me.  We are taking baby steps with him to help him learn some self discipline....he applied for some jobs last week, next getting his GED.  Actually, every day is a struggle to keep this guy from going back to his old ways, but he's 21, change is up to him.

Liz is signed up for junior college...she will work her job at Target during the day and go to school at night at a nearby hospital that houses classes for the college.    It's much closer than the college, a must for gas prices. I am overdue for a grand kids day, perhaps next week.

Last week I was so busy with extra work doing trips I though my head would spin...Tuesday I spent 8 hours at a golf course with 6 freshmen in a very upscale neighborhood.  I'll have to do an entry on that experience.

Until then...chin up, stay positive and always be grateful

Being responsible

I like boredom & most days I love routine.  My summers are usually not routine as school is out and what routes I do have are short and only 1/2 day.  I did take the whole school district's administration group to a farm to do some sort of bounding class.  I didn't know this when I bid on the trip, but it ended up being fun.  They only requested one bus, but needed two so a driver I like also went.  A couple of the Asst Principals that I know were on and they all wanted to make sure I picked their schools.   I laughed and felt quite important then I realized they just like because I am good with naughty kids..

I seem to be so good that mine and /or Mark's kids keep coming back here to live.  His boy's mother (as Mark refers to his ex),was here Friday trying to give us their youngest Dale, who is nearly 22.  Dale is a semester short of graduating high school, blown countless good jobs, and has been in jail because of his hot head.  Dale lived here for a year when he was 17, I am sure I have that time period written somewhere in my archives of the journal, but why relive the past?  

They want him to come here to escape his problems.  I saw my boy's father today at my oldest son's baseball game (he plays adult league bball) He and his wife want my son Eric to quit Menards (he's depressed and drinking too much) move back to Illinois, live with them and they'll pay his bills until he gets another job.  This didn't work when he went to college, it didn't work when he lived 1/2 hour from them and it would not work now.  I wonder if they'd take Dale instead?

Enable...refusing to let the kids go through their experiences just like we all did...

Growing up comes by experiencing life...the good the bad and the ugly...

Experience the great teacher...

I'd never cheat them out of experience ... it's hard though when you are a mother, hard to stand back and watch, wait...

Thank God I have Mrs H.  Working for her has been a gift from God...her 95 years on this earth has let me know I can get through anything...and she gives advice freely.

Just as quickly my kids childhood sped by this part will go by fast...I am going to enjoy now.

My kids around 1990

My children now...

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old friends and the future

Mark graduated high school in 1973.  I, in 1975.  He was the jock, football player, ran track, on homecoming and prom court...he also was lead in all the high school musicals.  Me I was a very quiet girl who was once a very chubby girl, I was in plays, but never the lead, of course I was at every sporting event, I was even a bat girl/stat girl for the boys baseball teams.  I was never on any court, never voted anything likely to exceed, but I did earn National Honor Society.  I was a good girl.   Most likely in school we never spoke a word to each other.  Now look at us...our kids brought us together, they played youth football, and even the youngest ones knew each other before Mark and I "admired each other from afar" that summer in 1994.  (EEK! the 90's they seem so far away!)  Finally, fate or me following him after a out of town football game...had us meet up at the small burger shop...he told me about his 5 kids and child support, that didn't scare me off.   we saw each other at football practice and made a date....6 months later marriage. 

The other day a girl who graduated with Mark sent him an email from classmates.com.  She saw that he was coming to the reunion next month and wished she could attend so they could catch up.  Wonder if she thinks he's single and they could have one of those kind of catch ups.  Too late I had one of those kind of catch ups with him!  Most likely it's innocent, but who knows.  I am not worried, but I do love to tease my husband.

An old friend of Mark's, whom Mark named Matthew (his middle son) after is in town from Montana.   He wants to get together, he's even attending the church that my stepson Matt goes to tomorrow.  He went to our school.  It's always nice to see people from his or my past, catch up, we have history, maybe not together history, but same school, same town, same upbringing history.  We've even created history. 

I've listened to many of my close people around me tell me how worried they are about the future, how they want to plan this plan that.  Life really isn'tabout the plan,  we can make plans, but we really never can plan the outcome.  Nor should we, because sometimes life has different ideas about our future.  I never try to outguess my future, after all if somebody had told me in high school how my life would be right now, I would have laughed in their face.  8 kids, married to Mark, 3 grand kids, driving a school bus....But now?  I'd never ever trade it for the plans I made for myself way back then!

Who knows what my future holds??

Lookeeeeee another entry!

 

here I sit at my computer and another entry!  Wow! 

I am now free on Tuesdays and Thursdays as the grandkids are with Tracey's mom.  Last week I subbed a route on Tuesday and actually subbed my own route in the pm on Thursday.  My friend M (who shares my route with me) had to go to court for a stop arm violation.  A 16 year old ran her stop arm while her bus was stopped unloading a child.  Mom and monitor saw this, but M did not think to bring either as a witness.  Somebody (perhaps court appointed lawyer) told the kid to bring a witness and say that M was just 'visiting' with child's mom and that she should have pulled the stop sign in.  Judge bought the crap and let the kid go, dismissing her case.  BULL!  To me it's highly unlikely that a bus driver would take the time to blame some brat for passing her bus, let alone write it up, go to court and in M's case find somebody to watch her 7 year old son.  Makes me very angry at this judge.  Now little 16 year old thinks she can get away with doing breaking the law.   Probably the same kid that rear ended my car :)

I was able to see the boys Saturday night as my stepson Matt had a bag party (toss bean bags  into a hole in a board for competition).  I took them to the park as the party was small and not too exciting for me.

I am also filling in for a girl who works mornings for Mrs. H. on Tuesday and Thursday.  I enjoy my time with her as she is a wise wise lady plus the extra $$ is nice.

Some boy pics to make me smile...I miss them, but hopefully I'll have them over night sometime this week....

 

 

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all in a day's work...

On Wednesday night Mark and I took Liz to a car dealer of which we have known the finance guy for a long time.  He played football with our older boys and Tim bought his car there a few years ago.  Liz's old car, which I thought was a deal at $500, was a pile of junk with a rusted frame that was a death trap.  Fortunately for us scrap cars are big business and we had 3 different junk yards fighting over the little blue car.  She ended up with $250 which is awesome.  She also had some money saved.  She ended up with what she calls an "old people's car"   It's a Buick Century, in perfect shape, low miles and no rust.  Everything including the air conditioning power windows, stereo works.  It has new tires and muffler.  Plus the owner of the dealer took $2000 off the asking price.  I was very happy as it's time for her to have her own car.  She will driving the 20 minutes to Junior college in the fall, plus work, along with socializing.  So I am good.

 

Yesterday, I drove, along with 5 other buses, a school that house the park districts summer camp to Medieval Times.  This is about an hour ride involving two very busy toll ways.  One was under construction.  I was following another driver which is custom as we all try and go in at least pairs on long trips.  Suddenly there is activity in the back of my bus.  Seems little 4th grader has to pee.  She says so bad she's crying.  Nice.  So I say to head of group, "do you have any suggestions as where we find a bathroom???"  discussion between her and other leader (adults).  "can't you just turn off the toll way at Ogden avenue (busy area)"..."or how about Butterf (worse near a mall)" 

I veto both stating that I am in a 38 foot tube that is not a compact car.  I suggest another road 5 miles away, Leader freaks.  "but the girls is crying!!"   I finally turn off a mile after busy mall exit.  We find a gas station and of course the whole dang bus tries to unload.  NOPE I say.

Although I do allow one boy to go on the car wash wall.  Girl and Leader take 10 minutes as whomever was in the bathroom would not come out after many knocks.

My partner leaves me as I am taking to long.  He gets lost.  I do not.  We make it in time for the knights to introduce themselves.  I sat next to a kid I knew a couple of years ago, we have fun.  But our red knight lost.

On the way home I follow my buddy the trainer.  The other guy who wanted me to follow him broke down.  I made it home in time to catch my husband using the chain saw on some ugly bushes that we have had growing next to our garage.

Today we are attending a picnic at Matt's house (my middle stepson).   His wife Brandy is a teacher, so many teacher's attend.  It's always interesting conversation.

 

 

 

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just wondering

I am home, ALONE!  Most of the day I've been alone.  I've had some time to think, ponder, cruise j-land.  And wonder.  Why do people stay married?

This lovely couple is me and the Mr...April 1st 1995.  Many gray hairs ago...I would have fixed the color but my computer is ticking me off, plus I have to go to my Bus permit refresher class in an hour. 

I've had two very close people that I love dearly decide to end their marriages.  Why?  They have their reasons, because I love them I won't talk about it in specifics.  But both used the words, " I (they) aren't in love anymore"   I asked a girl at work today, who's been married over 20 years, if there were days she wasn't "in love" with her husband ...she gave me that smile...I understood.  Somedays the line between love and hate is a slim one...but the brave stay and work it out...we love them and we stay until we like them again.

Why do people end their marriages?  Maybe like my first marriage... I had no business being married to this man...maybe that's why people stop trying.  And it is an effort to be married.  Some times a big effort.  I asked my husband the other day why we are still happily married after 13 years, so many kids, job changes, deaths, births, big changes...he said because we try...we try and we're friends first.

We make the effort, we communicate, we respect each other.  Sure we have fights, God when we first married we had some loud fights...but now?  Nah, we respect each other too much to do that.  

  around 1998

This picture is one of the few professional ones we have had taken.  This was a time when Mark traveled 3 weeks out every month for the railroad.  I used to say he would come home to visit :::wink wink:::

I was working at the newspaper delivering over 600 newspapers a day, every day.  I had 5 sometimes 7 kids living with me, from at 8 to 16 years old  My mother was just diagnosis with cancer.  This was tough times back then, but look at us, we look happy.  We still are happy. 

I've always believed what does not kill you will make you stronger.  I believe if you but God in the center of your life things work out for the best.  You get knocked down you get back up.

I have become the woman I am from my experiences...and I am a lucky woman to have a man I love right by my side...for better for worse...

Still going strong...

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