hey there

Hey there I am feeling so happy today!  Put out flyers on mailboxes for work to get the word out about the school district wanting to subcontract out our jobs.  Felt like my paperboy days...I delivered newspaper for 6 years and the memory of that felt a-ok, but would not want to go back to that job!  NO days off and NO sleep, I was a crabby witch EVERYDAY!  Gotta get the word out to the community...I love my job and would not want to lose all my benefits and pay or those awesome kids.  God will take care of it.  Like today my stepson, Dustin was missing.  He is the one that has always been babied by Mom and Dad, he and I really never have gotten along because he thinks I am too strict, he is one of two that I have never raised.  He decided he didn't feel well so rather than go to work he went to the train station and took a nap.  He works with my Mark and his brothers for a construction company.  They found him 5 hours later.  Wow and I thought Mark was worried when the dogs went missing!!  But logic won out.  Like with the dogs, who we knew wouldn't go too far, because one of them is too fat, not that Dustin is fat, but if he had been in an accident someone would have called his mother.  It is so comforting to know that God is truly watching out for my loved ones and I don't have to be on "duty" constantly worrying about them.  AMEN!  God is so awesome!  Mowed the lawn and really felt like I did something today! ***ME***

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Why oh why can not life be easy!!!!!!  I guess I make more out of things than need be.  I realize that I picked this life for myself...why else would I marry a man with 5 kids????  And have 3 of my own?????  Had to put up this simple picture of teenage "love" so that I can remember why I love my own husband.  Being the age I am I can be very moody, so again today I was fighting with my "inner" demons.  Today I forgot Mark's birthday and when he reminded me of it I was sorry.  I was really working on being grateful and happy.  I asking God to save me from my worries as we are still in processes of getting our financial house in order, then I get a call from Mark's insurance lady, seems we owe MORE MONEY for the truck used while his was down.  I was quite irrated to say the least.  Typing this and getting it out there is really helping, but I am getting sick and tired of having to be put in this spot.  Mark says he's sorry he put me through all this money, job, business stuff, but even though he has a new job, and his truck is fixed, it still is sitting in the garage, NOT being sold, NOT being advertised NOT being anything but a GIANT hunk of wheels and metal.  I know Mark is trying, but he's glaring defect is his procrastination...drives me nuts AND if I want to be psychological about the whole thing I know that is the thing that most bugs me about me.  I see the whole mirror thing, been through enough therapy to know it, and even feel it.  I know enough to tell him I am irrated, now going to give it to God and trust that HE will fix this....ahhhhh, now it's time to get busy and do something anything constructive, AA taught me many things and one was action baby action, give the problem to God and then go do something postive, and God knows I have plenty to do  that I have put off....AMEN thank God for this journal...feeling better already.  LOVES ROSE  

addition

happy birthday...i did not know journals were so young!!!

Is it Monday or is it Tuesday??

Usually after a long weekend I feel energized, but I only feel out of sorts and looking for a place to start.  1st off my weekend was great!  Dale ended up getting 3 root canals so I was right!! He did need to be with his mother (who has the insurance for now) and could better handle this problem.  Glad that's over, but he still can't seem to follow the rules here, he ended up spending most of the long weekend over there at his mom's which is good because that's one less kid that I have to worry about.  Where we camp is only 20 minutes away so Saturday night we had to come back because my 2 dogs escaped, the big one hates fireworks and my neighborhood was like a homemade bomb factory.  We found one after 2 hours of looking and when we gave up and decided to go back to the campground the other one was standing at the back door smiling!!  Dogs!  Hard to figure them out.  I was proud of Eric though he and Tina looked all over with us.  Then we came back the next day to watch the fireworks.  They were AWESOME!  All and all the camping trip was very relaxing, got to listen to some drunken fights which is always a great reminder of how I used to be.  God loves to remind me!  Yesterday we sort of just relaxed again.  I am having a hard time getting my act together today.  I am going to finish this and then take the dogs for a walk to clear my head.  I really need to get back on the phones to get my home business going.  I have some goals I have not met and really need to get on it.  I also have some calls I have to make for work...we are still fighting subcontracting by the district.  And I am supposed to put out flyers.  Kind of hard with no car.  Mark has the car because the truck has a bent rim...long story.  I am also very proud of Mark he got his semi all put back together and it should be sold before the month is over!  Oh well going to make a list and start at what's first and do what I can.  I have a few other things to do like cleaning and calling for Dale's senior pictures...need to set those up.  Oh well, here we go....won't get anything done sitting here now will I????  love, me

here we go again!!!

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!  Once again I am having to put up with my stepson causing problems and talking back to me.  This the 5th son of my husband's and there is a HUGE pattern of these boys back talking EVERY one of their parents.  He is living with us because mother could not control him.  He's mad at me because he lost a filling in his tooth and I told him to go to the dentist he normally goes to, which would mean his mother would have to take care of it.  He's been at her house off and on since this tooth thing started 2 weeks ago.  IT IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY!!!  He just wants his way and now he is angry with me because I told I didn't like the way he talked to me.  But he didn't win because he called his mom and now I guess she is taking care of this.  I have been responsibile for all the other problems he has had, including school which he did not pass 2 classes and I had to spend a day chasing down couselors in the summer to get his scheduled changed.  Now I am the bad guy because I told him again that I could not get into a dentist that he wasn't already seeing.  Reality check gang...but the kids rarely live in reality it's all about money, things and scamming.  It's a shame because Dale has awesome potiential he is just been allowed to scam for so long that it is his way.  Just had to get that off my chest.  It never fails when things start to straighten out BOOM!!!  Here come life.  Good thing I don't drink anymore I would be sitting down at the bar...and what good would that do?? Make things worse.  God works in all areas He will work here to.  My prayer?  God thank you for this child, you must trust me enough to know what I am doing concerning him or he wouldn't be in my life, Thanks God, amen  Love Rose

Saturday....

It's Saturday...the house is quiet.  Finally ... finished the Government  paperwork to get the loan for Tim for school  I don't know why I always and I mean always take forever to do this.  It was easier than in years past, but it is probably because I had all the info I needed on hand.  AND I only have to file for 1 kid.  I won't get any aide, but I still have to fill this out to get Tim's loan.  YEA! it's the last year for Tim, he will graduate next summer.  Boy does time fly! 

Liz's play was good last night...she seemed happy with the way it turned out.  In the play they were talking about Blogs, and how they are the wave of the future, that everybody who is anybody will have an online Journal.  One of the characters said, "why would you have your journal out in the public aren't they supposed to be private?"  No getting your thoughts out there in the universe makes them real.  And that forces me to take action.  I guess I am part of a trend!  Saw Eric's 1st grade teacher, again time flies!  I want to enjoy this weekend, it's supposed to rain, but who cares we will be in a camper and there's a pig roast today...hope we make it in time!  Probably won't be around for the  rest of the weekend so HAPPY 4th of JULY!!

Gotta go buy supplies!  Love Rose :)

Whoo hoo almost the weekend

Worked today as a monitor.  It's hot and humid here so the air conditioned bus felt good.  Have to work again tomorrow afternoon.  I never say no to work...bad, bad karma...God gives me opportunities I must take them.  My boys had a fight last night...not fist fight, never fists, but they are so different and they aggravate each other sometimes.  Tim thinks Eric is irresponsible and Eric thinks he is never told anything by their dad.  Tim felt he always has to rescue or cover for Eric.  I have to remind them that they are both different people and at different stages in their lifes.  The big thing is they were basically raised to fit their roles.  Nobody did it on purpose just the way things worked out at the time.  Growing up is hard, but I am glad now that I am able to help them sort this stuff out...although I wish I could fix them both...I know in my head I cannot, but my heart...says...I guess that why God made me a MOM :)  They will both be ok.  I am trying to enjoy the process of watching my whole family grow up.  Life is too short not to. . .