Another day ... another ... you know... doing a - ok today, everybody went to work, Tim still has a headache, but I think he just wants to go back to college, where things are "normal" to him.  It will be his last year at Purdue and boy did the time fly.  I think he is tired of working for so little pay and hopefully he will remember that when he graduates next year and goes out job hunting for real.  Mark feels better too so there less complaining over the two - way radio's from him.  We communicate throughout the day via Nextel direct connect.  Ah the beauty of this age...hit a button and you can communicate to someone miles or hundreds of miles away.  They are nice though because you actually have to listen to the other person talk, before you can...saves fights that way.  You can make comments without the other person hearing...it's actually saved a lot of arguements. :) especially from 2 opinionated people like Mark and I.  I just got a call to work tomorrow.  I am going to monitor for 9 hours, nice though I can ride in a nice (hopefully air conditioned) bus and get paid driver pay.  It's been nice this summer I have worked at least 1 day a week and made a bit of extra money.  Oh boy it will August soon and then starts the training and bidding for routes.  Our school district starts late this year because of the building of new schools.  We have 2 this year, 3 next and I think a couple more after that.  Oswego is no longer a little farm town.  It's becoming a BIG city, with a Target and everything!  Hee Haw maw we're big time...No really I do miss the small town charm Oswego once was.  I have lived her since I was 12.  I still know all the locals as I live 1 block from downtown, but the farmers are selling all their land and subdivisions are popping up everywhere.  Lucky for us we live in "Old Oswego".  No rules, just normal working people with kids, best of all no competition from the "jones" we are pretty basic here.  And I love that.  At least Oswego is still very safe, little crime, helps to have a lot of police, but again I know a lot of them, from my paper route, (got stopped a lot when they were trying to figure out what I was doing driving around on the wrong side of the road at 2 am) and my bus driving job.  That's a plus I wouldn't want to have to worry about my children or myself being home alone.  Oh course crime hits everywhere, it's just not an everyday thing here.

Eric has finally called the Jr College about classes, he also called his dad and made things right.  I am proud of him.  I want the habit of not communicating with your love ones to stop at them.  They both are learning to speak out when they need to and let people know what's on their minds.  I am very proud of Eric, he has a ways to go, but hey he's only 19. 

ok enough...going to take a nice long bath then go out and see how many tomatoes I have growing out there!  I LOVE home grown tomatoes and maybe if I stare at them long enough the will turn red! :)

bye bye !

Getting my act together

Everybody is getting sick at my house.  Mark and I went to the trailer last night went out for a row boat ride came home and he had a headache so he laid down.  He tends to be overly dramatic when it comes to pain, so I just let him lay down and took my Liz and went for a walk, we got frozen twix bars.  I love walking with my daughter...it's where she shares all her secrets with me.  I value this time with her, soon she will not have time for me, at least until she grows up and has babies then I know she will have plenty of time for me.  I guess I am going through a baby fix.  When Mark and I were out at the camper, we saw this grandma with her grandaughters playing full clothed in the lake.  The 1 year old was having a blast, she was very head strong and keep falling in face first, didn't even stop her from going back for more, her laughs of delight made me giggle.  Can't wait to be a grandma for real!  I found out last night one of the reasons why I don't see Mark's son's boy.  I guess his wife is letting the guy she got pregnant with Jacob (My stepson adopted Jacob right after his birth, was there for the birth)mother be the other grandma.  During my walk I stopped to talk with a neighbor and she works with this other grandma, Tracy brings Jacob over there every weekend.  Wow, I guess maybe I am too normal for this whole thing, or maybe I am not pushy.  Who knows?  All I know it explains a lot.  Jeremy's mom (Mark's ex) is very pushy with Jeremy and Tracy's life and how they live it, so I guess they really don't have time to add another person.  I was hurt for a while but now that I know the facts I can deal with this situation, besides everything always works out for the best.  At least that's been my experience.  There will be more grandkids and more time to be with them.  I am over this whole thing, I just find it very odd that Tracy would still include someone who really isn't part of this kid's life, unless she was already close to this lady which is possible.  I just feel bad for the other grandma, because I know she is already trying to compete with Mark's ex and I learned a long time ago the competition isn't worth it and you can't buy a kid's love.  I just continue to be me and not sweat the small stuff.  Ah I feel better now.

Going to get some stuff done, the girl that enrolled me in my home based biz called me this morning and gave me a pep talk to here I go!  Loves....

it's sunday....

Oh how I love to listen to my hubby hanging out with my boys!  Makes me so happy to feel the love that happiness when they are together!  Sometimes I think my kids treat Mark better than his own kids do!  But my kids were raised by women (mom and me) not a pack of wolves like his boys mom...j/k their mother is ok.  Mark and often discuss our past lives and he still swears that  they never fought in front of the kids, which I say, then why aren't you two still together if it was such bliss???  He is a lot better at not denying the past than he once was.  I guess sometimes it's difficult to see your own faults...I know it is for me.  When I first got sober I had an awesome sponsor who basically ripped my eyes open to see the truth about me and my faults...I still sometimes have a hard time seeing myself honestly but it's getting better.

We had a pretty good weekend my boys had a bit of blow out because their step mother loves to speak for their father and she isn't always accurate she said some things to Tim and I regarding Eric and that sort of created a problem...we talked that out though.  The graduation party was fine.  And then we spent an awesomely peaceful night at the camper and I actually got some sun today...I can't believe how white my legs are, I tan very easily and tanning just hasn't been on my top ten of things to do.  Oh well had a nice weekend, took a walk and now I am going to relax...(do some laundry and dishes, that's relaxing for me!!) and get ready for the week ahead, I am going to put some short term goals down...and post them on the frig, I hear doing that will help you get motivated....til then....ba bye

Saturday

Yeah!  It's Saturday, kind-a cloudy, but my mood isn't.  Went with Eric (19) to the Ford dealer and after his month long search he finally got a car, it's a 2005 Focus and he got it all on his own!  No co-signer!  He had the downpayment and everything.  I am so proud of him.  He didn't do well last year in college, didn't pass and now is going to take come junior college classes, live in a apartment that he had set up before he realized he wasn't going back to NIU, so it's junior college, it's a long story.  His real dad (we divorced when he was a baby)  has always given both him and Tim whatever they wanted,  now now he wants to play hardball and put conditions on things...but I am his mother, and Eric is nearly a man...and he and his father will have to work all this out.  I will be supportive, but I can't do everything...I really am having an easier time letting go...at least for today.  Otherwise we have a graduation party to go to this afternoon and Mark is working until 3:00.  So I need to get my stuff done this morning instead of 5 minutes before he gets home like I ususally do!  We are going to try and spend the night at the camper.  The graduation party is Mark's son Matt's girlfriend.  I like Brandy, had a hard time with her when they were dating in high school, but now she is a college grad and grown up she appreciates me more.  She didn't like the fact that I had rules.  Funny now that's what she likes about me now!  She has a hard time with Mark's ex wife, so that makes it easier on me.  Mark's ex loves to put on a show, and I am not saying I am perfect but I do try to let things go...yeah right, it takes a long time for me to let things go, but at least I have a clue!  Oh well I signed on to this when I married Mark so I guess I will be dealing with this forever as the boys all are beginning to grow up and have families.  At least I know I'll be able to spend time with Matt and Brandy's kids when they get married and have them, because Brandy likes me...ah life...doesn't get better than this.

Here's my new thought process...affirmations...I am having ALL my needs met today...I am healthy, my family is too, I am well off spiritually, mentally, physically, financially, I am right where I need to be...I am loved!!  And I love my family and I will make sure they ALL know it by my thoughts, deeds and actions.  AND most of all God loves me.  AMEN!  Here's to an awesome day!

TGIF

It's finally Friday!  Crazy couple of days.  Wednesday I went to the IRS to make our payment and got the address mixed up.  I am such a pig head that I heard the address one way, then thought I knew where I was going and was on the wrong street!  It's VERY congested out there lots of traffic and it took me FOREVER to find it.  Thank God for air conditioning and Liz being with me.  I finally called and got the right address, was there less than a minute and on my way.  That night I went to a meeting in the city (Chicago) for my home business, needless to say it was awesome...very motivating.  I did a lot of driving that day.  Then yesterday I had to work and drove 90 miles for that route, whew, I was pooped last night.  Too much stress!  Not bad, but tiring.   I am not used to all that driving, but I am glad I was able to drive the school bus, keeps me on my toes.  I liked the monitor that was with me, she's a talker just like I am...:).  She was telling me about her son how he lost his job because new owners bought out the company and they forced him to resign.  The story ended up well in that he found a better job, with more pay and better hours and they even treat him better!  I told her isn't amazing how we are taken care in life, one door closes and another one opens...we must trust that God knows what's best for us even if we don't always see it with our little human eyeballs.  That is how I have to see my life and it sure is  nice not to be in such a worrying mode.  Whelp going to get some work done, I need to go to the bank and then I am going to pick up some food for the weekend...going to the trailer again.  Then I need to stop and get my insurance paperwork from the admin office at the school district.  have a nice day!

ahhhhhhh confusion

here i am again sitting all alone at home following myself around the house.   i wonder if my problem is hormones, because i don't seem to be getting anything done. or just plan lack of discipline.  i sometimes wish I was my husband and then i could go to work everyday come home to a clean house, a meal on the table and then sit and do nothing - watch tv...no that's what i am doing now!  but i have to be responsible for paying the bills, getting the food, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, and cleaning the house,  ick, right now i am avoiding calling one of my creditors, i have had to do it in the past and there is usually no problem, but i just hate having to continually clean up our messes.  not only am i responsible for my kids, which i shouldn't be because they are young adults, but everything else.  no wonder i feel so lazy.  i guess i just want to stop being responsible, but i know i can't.  i took a long walk this morning basically had to drag my fat dog down the street, but it was good.  it looks like rain now.  i did make a list this morning and i actually have done some of the things on the list.  better get off this computer and do some more, then i will be free! it's already 1:30 and i need get this list done!  ok no more excuses here i go....ok addition...did my list called the dreaded creditor called THE IRS!!!!  nice as usual, but i have to drive to pay my payment, but a small price to pay to make the government happy. . . i am soooooooo happy that our business (truck) is almost gone, and we are now law abiding, "getting our taxes out of our pay checks like everybody else" citizens.  1099 and self employment taxes stink!  we will get killed on the sale of our truck, but the pain and agony will be well worth it.  luckily for us mark's job is paying well and he has a lot of hours, plus i will be back at the school bus driving next month....with a pay increase thanks to the union...oh yeah another addition to my list need insurance forms.  i am glad i got my list done, but is it really ever down?  some lists are easier than others...like list of stuff to take on vacation those lists i like...this list was an icky list, but ah it's done...feel much better now that i got all that icky stuff done.  i have always believed hard things only get harder if you wait.  try to live by that...and another relief, village guy tried to give me my neighbor's shut off notice for her water, oops, thank you God it's not us...we were able to pay that bill...God truly is grand!  she probably just forgot....but that another story...now i can do some housework and make myself sit down and call for my home biz...ahhhhh....here's to getting busy...

FEELING MUCH BETTER

I am feeling so much more hopeful and better.  Got up and took the dogs for a long walk, I MISS MY WALKS!!  Walking has always been my escape, even as a little kid I used to close my eyes and see how far I could walk.  And when I  was a single mom working for the most boring office job ever, I would walk at lunch time.  I called it my sanity hour.  I am making a date with myself to walk everyday. 

Then did some errands.  I had to borrow money from my Eric, as our check probably won't get here until tomorrow.  Thankfully I have good sons who so willingly help me.  But that's the circle thing because as Mark says I baby my children.  So what if I do I am  their mother.  I really don't baby them too awful bad, beside Mark should talk I really baby him.  Then I pulled some weeds and finished mowing the grass.  When I was out I got some primer our poor old house needs paint so bad.  Our house was built in 1860, and I love this old house...it needs work, but it's so comfortable and it's home.  Boy it's getting hot too, a good old July summer with humidity and everything!  We had a nice weekend.  Matt took Mark golfing and then we went to the trailer.  There was only one other family there so we had the place to ourselves.  We are pretty boring though mostly slept.  Gotta get a fishing pole so we can at least do that.  I am going to plan a family picnic for this summer, get all the kids together without their mother.  I am tired of always having to visit Mark's kids with her either "popping in" or already there.  Ugh must be pitiful to not have a life that you have to run your kids lifes too!  I hope I don't get like that.  Don't think I will because I am looking forward with my alone time with Mark.  We have never been alone, always kids here there and everywhere.  But that's ok.  Remembered to watch my favorite TV preacher last night, it was the last 5 minutes of the sermon, but I got the idea,  YES GOD I GOT THE POINT!!  God wants to open His blessing to us but we must believe we deserve them...and be open.  Said a prayer to be open.  I am trying very hard to stay out of the mood I have been this past week, all depressed and sleepy,but maybe I just needed to be feeling that way to save up my energy for today, July 12...an awesomeday in the life of Rosemarie Gossett...today is what I make it and it is grand.  Loves..Rose