Yeah the weekend

Just a quicky note..I wonder if I can do that...as you all probably guessed I am a talker!!HEE.  We went to the Kendall county fair last night.  That area of these parts is still very old fashion.  AND this fair was no exception.  4-H, blue ribbions, pigs, chickens, cows, sheep, tractor pulls...I tried to have an attitude about the whole tractor pull thing because when Mark invited me to this fair I really didn't want to do "guy" things, which we usually end up having to do (he's a race car nut).  I actually enjoyed myself...wow go figure.  Plus the added benefit was that Jeremy and Tracy brought little Jacob.  He's so cute!  And dispite my fears he really is a good little guy.  Not too spoiled at all.  He loved the trucks and was clapping and trying to run around.  Anyway, it was a good night and I had fun.  Gee maybe God will finally teach me to stop being soooo judgemental!!!  Ok I am off got errands and we are going to the camper it's gonna be hot this weekend and I want to take advantage of the Lake.  Have a great weekend all...love rose

Here's my flag for dear old Illinois.  Last night I took a nice long walk in my neighborhood and everytime I do this I realize what a great little town I live in.  My town used to be a little farm community when I moved here in 1972 as a young girl.  I've watched my little town grow from a little hick town  where everybody knew each other to a big hick town, where everybody tries to know everybody, but ususally doesn't.  Or maybe it's because I live in the old part of town now (been her for 10 years) that I still know all the old timers.  My local gas station still take checks, our business has a fuel account there on a hand check and our word.  The local mentally handicap guy stocks pop, everybody knows Micky and I can go down to the post office and see at least 3 people that I know.  I can venture out  of downtown a mile and shop at the large chain stores or get a meal at one of the top ten more popular restaurants.  Fact is though, my favorite health food store is going out of business, and the local drug store is now a bike shop, owner got old and had a too good of an offer from the new Walgreens.  I guess I have the best of the old and new...I guess I have my cake and can eat it too.  Mark  and I attended the high school here back in the 70's he's 2 years older, but we  know the same people, we have history.  I think that is one of the reasons we clicked so quickly.  We were brought up in a time where family values meant sticking together no matter what.  I am glad of that, times can get difficult, especially for someone like me who tends to think too much, worry too much...but I am getting better, God has worked His magic on me.  I feel like I did when I was younger, more confident, more free, prayer and trusting God to take care of my life is truly freeing.  Faith is an awesome thing...I am glad I had to go through what I did to get here...I have meet so many great people along the way...and I am still growing!  Anyway, I love my life right now, I love where I live right now and I am satisfied to be me right now...growth happens everyday, but today I am content to trust God that I am right where I need to be today...Love you all.  Get out and smell the flowers...my ziennas are BEAUTIFUL! ++++my front yard is awesome!  The weather here in Illinois has been perfect for perennials and mine are filling so awesome.  I am filled with pride when I can peek out my window and see people admiring my "babies".  Gotta get a camera & share my joy.  love rose

Round 2

Man oh man what a difference a few hours can make...do you ever wonder about mankind??  I have over the past 1 1/2 years worked on and off on a home based business that I try and mainly do over the internet.  It's a directing marketing health and wellness company and I am in love  their products as I have always tried to live healthy.  Anyway, beside the point what gets me is that people ask for more info about working from home and they get ticked off when you try to give it to them.  I went to a meeting in Chicago a few weeks back and listened to a very successful couple speak and they said that our biggest obstacle is fear...people fear going outside the box.  They fear change.  I am finding that to be true.  Most people do not even consider doing anything different than what they do on a daily basis...that is get up, eat their bagel, have their starbucks, dump the kid's in day care and go to the 9 to 5, leave work, pick up Mickey D's and head home for some quality time with the family... It reminds me of sheep...let's all follow each other, be the same and do what's safe.  I guess I just needed to blow off steam.  I just need to get over being yelled at by 2 different woman that thought what I had to say to them would some how hurt them.  Ok I feel better...I really need to blow off that steam or I would let affect how I talked to others...and I really don't want to take out my frustration on some innocent person.  Oh well, I should be used to this, when I was doing phone calling for a charity I used to get yelled at too.  I need to try and not take it personally, after all...I know I am doing what I believe and I need to be respectful of what others are doing and living even if I don't agree...live and let live...ok bye I feel better.

Yippppeee

Yippeeee!  Eric came home from work yesterday and told me he got the transfer to the other Menard's store.  He is presently working in the warehouse and when he goes back to school he  wants to work closer to his apartment and the Junior college.  I am so happy because I feel like some of the things I 've tried to teach him are working!  I tried to teach these kids that when you make a mistake or fall down, you brush yourself off and get moving...ACTION!  So his failing the BIG college happened oh well ... now learn from it.  It's been quite a battle with his real dad, his stepmom and my hubby, but I was lucky, I got divorced during the "olden" days when moms where given sole custody, so while I still consider my ex's opinion, my influence tends to win out.  They all thought Eric shouldn't buy a new car (older dependable cars are not cheap either), or move out (he should live at home and go to Junior college here, how??without a car??) and he should take 3 classes.  I thought he should take only 1 you know prove he can pass a class?  But the point was made that he needed to take more to actually get done with school in a timely manner.  So I guess in the big mess of opinions we all compromised and basically left it up to Eric as it should be. The kid's almost 20 and although we are helping him, he is the one that has to learn the life lesson.  God forbid the kid end up like his parents, get married to someone he doesn't like have some kids, get divorced and move back in with his parents...glad my kids see the mistakes their parents have made and try to be different...Thank you God for that!  But if that does happen to one of the 8, and if your a betting man...somebody getting divorced is a fair bet, but we all will deal that if and when that happens.  Gotta be positive!

Ok I am also happy because the sun is out and I am simply glad to be alive...pretty basic...day 3 of hubby's back ache, these back twisty things ususally last a week and then he's all good again.  Bought him some Midol today that stuff works on cramps and it alway works on his back...wish I would have thought of that sooner, saved some whining. 

I am off...gotta make good use of this energy...Love rose

 

Hey, been thinking about how people's lives effect each other and how and why we do the things we do...I know it's sounds deep, but hey...been thinking about that whole nature/nurture thing.  Hubby came home with a back ache last night.  He has a bad habit of doing this pretty regularly, it's always something every few months, sudden headache, back ache, etc.  Nice thing is he never misses work, just comes home to share his pain with me.  His kids do the same thing, reminds me when I was little I always had a stomach ache, would refuse to go to school, parents took me to all kinds of doctors, figured it was all in my head, which was true, I wanted attention, mom was 17 when she had me and then proceed to bring home 3 more babies in 4 years.  Boy was I mad!  I guess the point is my hubby and his boys have always used their pains and illnesses to get attention, from hubby's ex.  She is a rather cold woman and she presently is showering all her attention a 1 year old grandbaby.  My stepson made his anger perfectly clear this weekend that he was jealous of the attention baby boy gets, come to think of that's probably why is spending so much time at her house...ah makes sense some sort of  attention thing.  I grew out of the sickly stage, when I moved out of parents house with the 3 kids to be truly on my own.  I was a single mom and working, had to be well to support my little ones.  Which brings me to the point, how much of who we are is born into us and how much do we control?  Also, I was watching this show last night that was about "genius donor pools" in other words these people went to a sperm bank that was supposedly stocked with a supply of really smart people genes.  They showed how these people wanted to meet the "real" fathers of their kids.  Big mistake of course these guys didn't want to be found.  Come to find out one guy fathered two of the kids from different families, both kids pretty smart.  Which brings me to this...how much of their believe that this guy was a genius affected how much they expected from these kids...hmmmm...my two boys both tested high in school, were placed in academically talented classes, the oldest followed through and went on to a big 10 school and is doing very well, 2nd son, got kicked out of AT classes, because he saw all the pressure their dad was putting on his brother...then he "thought" he had to go away to school and proceeded to fail...hmmmm.  my daughter is the "smartest" one of all she sees what her brothers have been through and is picking the "normal" route, doing well in classes, but sets goals that she is comfortable with.  So far so good.  Well enough mental mind games for one day...I still believe that you do have choices in life, but sometimes you just can't fight who you were born to be...it's like the AA program, there is a step about character defects...I know I have these characteristics that make me who I am...I try and try to change, but lately I have come to accept who I am and try to do better, try to use my character for good not evil.  It's all we can do right??  Try to do the best we can...with what we have been given.  The AA program talks about change, and growth...  progress...not prefection...I guess as I approach my sobriety birthday next month I come to understand those 12 steps a little deeper, those steps are a great plan for living and I am coming to understand them a little better.Love you guys...have a beautiful day...suns shining here, prefect weather!  Make it a great day.  LOVE rose

Monday, Monday

Watching Oprah...she just gave a million dollar wedding to a couple.  They started out with 6 couples and they had to go through all kinds of questions by experts and then the audience voted for the winner.  It was pretty cool.  I started watching Oprah again when she got off her spiritual quest...don't get me wrong I like spirituality and all but she was so over the top that it turned me off.  Now she is much more interesting and I mean you still get the message that she likes to help people, she just doesn't seem like she's so awesomely spiritual.  That brings me to another point, how much money is enough money?  Movie and sports stars all are looking for ways to make more...like Michael Jordon (We are a Chicago Bulls family)...they have so much money and these big time sports guys are always promoting so much stuff.  And these rap stars their videos are nothing but women shaking their rears...ick...I wonder when we will finally gets some morals back in this country.  I know the morals start at home, but people have so many influences on them now a days...no wonder poor kids today are so crazy they have way more input then I did growing up...makes you wonder...

I didn't mean to get on my soap box...that was just my random thought process today...I have to get out of the house today and do some mailings I am trying some new advertising for my home biz and I have to get the information to Tim's school for the financial aide.  That kid's college education will cost more than my house when he gets done.  I just hope he finds a job worthy of him and doesn't just settle.  Speaking of settling we try and watch a church program called Lakewood Church they are based in Texas and the preacher really speaks to Mark and I...well last night it was my turn to be "spoke" to.  He talked about how God wants us to have the best and we shouldn't settle for "just good enough".  We need to strive to be the best and then we will receive the best, therefore able to help others do the same.  Just saying the words and turning off the negative thoughts will release this power from God in our lives.  I am doing this and behaving like I already have accomplished my goals...I have a very bad habit of being defeated even before I start then I do nothing.  I just settle for what is already going on in my life ...   I know I am capable of more...God will guide me...I will do the rest...

Whelp, here's to an awesome productive week...feels like fall here, but we expect 80's by the end of week...best to all..

Isn't life grand??

What a difference getting off your rear end makes.  Since my surrender to the Universe yesterday, I have been less obsessed with worrying and letting the old thoughts of my hubby, money, job, kids ETC occupy my head space.  I tried to have a head party last night in bed but instead I simply said to myself, "here God you've always been in charge in the past.  you take it".  It worked!  I just started telling myself a story and drifted off to sleep... I have always had a problem sleeping since I as a little girl.  I used to listen to my little red transistor radio and pretend I was a singer.  My parents answer to my lack of going to bed on time was to give me ice cream with creme de menthe liquior on it...no wonder I turned into a drunk!  I don't blame them ... they did the best they could.  After I stopped drinking (then my cure for not sleeping was to pass out, but that has it's own problems, drunks always wake up in the middle of the night, and when it was really bad I used to just have another shot...I shutter when I think of the awful cycle I was in) I went back to the radio and my story telling in my head.  The story was always repetitive so that would always put me to sleep.  I guess I still use that method.  Or I'll just repeat a prayer that helps too.  But I dropped the radio listening, it alway interfers with my dreams and I have very crazy dreams.

Anyway, my days and nights are better.  I am feeling much happier and freer when I accomplish things, when let go and stop being so hard on myself.  They are usually small, but satisfying.  This summer is going so fast...my oldest will going back to Purdue August 13, and Eric will be going to a Junior College about a 1/2 hour away around then too.  He has an apartment (dad's paying for it) with 3 other guys.  It's been agreed that he will work and take 3 classes, hopefully he will get his act together and get some work down.  His girlfriend will be at his old college nearby and she is very bosses and a very intelligent girl so hopefully her influence will help.

Anyway, it's all up to God now.  I know we have free will, but as a parent, I know that I have to let go...My children belong to the world and God will take care of them.  As for the 2 left here, Liz will be fine, my stepson Dale?  Who knows he still thinks he can come and go between his mom's house and here.   There's a skate park there he likes to go to.  That will stop when school begins as if he doe not pass all his classes he will not graduate.  I will not have that.  But as I said God will take care of that too.

Hope all have a great weekend...love each other...tell your people you love them...make somebody smile today....I love you all...rose