All better

I am all better.  As I was taught through ALL those years of therapy, that you break problems down into little peices.  And for me when I am feeling so helpless and lost I just give it all to God and get busy.  Last night I was on a rant, but I needed to get out of my system.  No one in particular had to listen to me so that's probably a good thing.  I just screamed and yelled in my car on the way to get my kid.

I appreciate this journal so much and I always know that I can be whom ever I am for the moment.  And your comments and prayers are always appreciated.  Prayer does work!  I am proof of that...after my divorce I was a very emotional and sick individual...I was prayed over often by the least likely people...and I do truly believe that God puts people in your life at different times for His reasons...we never know why until we look back in hindsight.

Anyway, I took care of my debit card, cancelled it and am getting a new one for $15.00, small price to pay for my spaceness. 

Mark is home today, but he is working around the house.  He is fixing the pick up truck now, U-joint's been out for a while.  Hopefully the peice will come out...he's been struggling with it for a while.  Hopefully, the weather will stay clear and he can work tomorrow and Saturday...if not I am not going to worry anymore.  Doesn't accomplish anything, only a sore chest and a waste of time.

So folks I am back to normal, the sun is out and everything is just as it should be.  And the future, I am happy today and thankful to be alive.  God bless you all...Have a wonderful Thursday!

Very bummed out

  This picture is sort a cheering me up...sort of.  I got conned by the "fake" aol email.  I should know better this happened when I first got aol.  But I feel for it so now I have to call my bank tomorrow and cancel my debit card.  The only person who knows how to handle such matters wasn't in today (Wednesday, small bank).  Lucky for me I only had 9 dollars in my account.  It sucks to be poor and stupid.  J/K, I am not stupid just VERY tired.  Not physically just emotionally.  I feel like I have had the crap beat out of my spirit.  I try and say all sorts of positive things, read spiritual material, pray, talk to nice people, write, count my blessings, etc.  But I feel like I am failing this test.  My husband isn't working again tomorrow.  And although he worked Monday, the rest of the week doesn't look good either, because of the weather forecast.  I just feel so you know unfaithful...I've been here a thousand times before...pissed off at  God because I can't control my situation.  My husband's check this week was to go for Christmas.  I know, I know keep the faith, this will make you stronger, everything will work out blah blah blah.  But I have a huge Mortgage payment due at the end of the month and the rest of the pay checks this month have to go to that.  I do know that I will get through all this...I know that God has always been there to fight my inner demons.   But I am just so tired...so tonight I will rest....God will find a way...and everything truly will be alright..   Thanks for listening you guys truly understand. <3        

RAiN!

It's rainy and the rain is making huge puddles.  Everything is one muddy mess.

Hubby worked yesterday, but is home today because of the weather.  He hurt his back yesterday helping some High School girls that flipped their car on it's side.  I guess they were ok, but shook up.  I think he just strained his back and with rest today he will be fine tomorrow.   There has been a lot of fender benders, because people drive so carelessly.  It's sad how folks are in such a hurry.  Why do we have to be in such a hurry...for what???  All we do is get closer to our end...and if you ask me I am not in a big hurry to go anywhere anytime soon.

I have been making blankets for the grandbabies.  It's relaxing and plus I feel like I can give them part of me for a gift.  Most of the yarn was my mother's so they will get part of her too. 

Time to go vacuum...bye!

"Calling all angels..."

"I need a sign to let me know things are going to look up..."

"I won't give up if you don't give up...."

This wonderful song by a band call Train...has always reminded me of just how good I have things.  Just how I have been looked after...just how blessed I truly am...

Pastor Joel said this morning that God gives us trails to see how we will react...will we get angry? will we get resentful? or will raise above the situation with joy and happiness?  realizing that we have God within us changing us, molding us...ever changing us so we will be strong enough and ready for the blessings that will come to past...

What a joyful message of hope!  Today I know I am just where I need to be, just where I am supposed be, gaining strength with hope, faith and joy.  Happy to know that God truly is an awesome God with perfect timing. 

Knowing deep in my heart that God is right here where He always has been ... right here within me....

Have a beautiful Sunday!!

needed a reminder

all's quiet

It's all quiet here and I like it that way.  I really need some silence away from the family to recharge a bit.  Mark is in one of his moods where the world is dark to him and nobody can do anything right (in his opinion).  He started in on me yesterday and it didn't end last night either.  When I got home from work he didn't want to go to the Christmas Walk.  I tried to get out by myself, which wouldn't have bothered me, but NO he had to go ... and it was not fun, he ran through all the sites like he ususally does.  And then wondered why I wasn't happy.  Then when it came time for the  best part which I love is the silent fire truck parade.  They changed the time and I had the map to the parade route, which they promptly changed come the time for the parade.  It was supposed to come by my house but it went a block up and I missed it :( .  Oh well, I guess that was the ending to a cruddy evening.  The only saving grace was the bbq'ed chicken I had from a vendor ... that was yummy.

I am used to being disappointed at times in my life, I don't take it personally or blame anybody (God) anymore.  It's just life sometimes, and if I want to be part of the human race I have to learn how to move on.  I am not sad or angry, just a bit disappointed but I'll be alright.  Hopefully, Mark will snap out of his mood.  I understand why he is feeling down.  His kid still hasn't called him, and he  really gets upset with his kid's behavior.  They have been raised to be rude, and self centered, and uncaring.  One of them had his pay check here and never bothered to call or show up.  This is the same kid that didn't call off work when he was sick, just parked his car at the train station for 3 hours and slept, while his brothers were frantically looking for him.  They all work together including my hubby, so they do get to spend time together without the control of their mother.  It's so sad that a woman could be so jealous of her former husband that she would try to interfer with their relationship with their own father.  I guess it happens all the time.  Very sad.

Well, I am off to wander around my house I am going to put up some Christmas decorations today...so that will make me happy.  I have come to learn we make our own happiness...and when we do it wears off on the people around us...

Have a wonderful Saturday!

tgif

Tonight is our town's annual Christmas walk.  I am looking forward to eating a BIG pot of chili!!  And maybe some hot chocolate.  The various stores which are mostly mom and pop types bring out their finest and show off their Christmas wares.  I love it because I always see people I know and haven't seen in awhile.  They have a silent parade with the area firetrucks all decorated with lights and such.  That's my favorite part.  I am a thrill seeker and I always kick myself that I never joined the fire department when I had a chance.  Oh well next lifetime.  Anyway one year it was really foggy and the firetrucks looked so cool driving down the street.  It was like the lights were floating in the air.  I am so lucky that I live 2 blocks from downtown.  Can you tell I am excited!!

I am finally back to my normal route since my husband is back at work.  He doesn' t like me to be on the computer when he's home, but I miss checking up on all my J-land pals.  I have grown to love you guys and you're like my family!!  I guess it's hard for him to understand.  Although he could spend hours looking on E-Bay for motorcyle parts. 

Whelp I am off!