Monday, November 29, 2004

I'm still alive

Home for break from work, hubby is home and he picked me up and made me some eggs.  What a sweetheart!  We had a very nice Thanksgiving...very quiet and laid back.  We had about 4 inches of snow last Wednesday night so the drive to take home the last kids was messy but I made it fine.

I'll update later, going to take a nap, I need a rest from my rest!! 

Tuesday, November 23, 2004


Quick update, Dale came home after school long enough to eat Mark's leftovers from dinner last night (his real mom does not cook) and grab a pair of pants.  WHAT THE HECK! 

Why didn't he just grab all his clothes and LEAVE!  One foot in door is what I say.  He went to work, but it's now 1 1/2 hours past his quitting time and I am sure he's at dear old mom's.  I got his phone and it's going to be turned off tomorrow.  I always say the game is boring when one person stops playing.  Dale hates it when we ignore him.  So that is exactly what we are doing.

On a lighter happier note, my son Eric is here!  He's doing fine.  He's decided to not go back to college and work full time until he can figure out what he wants.  Praise the good LORD!  He is so awesome and I am relieved.  Glad to have my boy at home and he's happy too!!

Oh yeah, this little girl went home and told her mother that I said her brother was dumb.  I am sure I never said that.  He is the kid that got on the bus to go home instead of my bus to go to daycare.  He had a new driver and she didn't notice.  I didn't notice because to tell you the truth I don't know their schedule (if they have one) and I was playing referee with 2 other kids.  I KNOW I have since been looking out for these two.  And congratulating the boy for getting on the right bus. Well sister says, "bus driver said that my dumb brother got on the wrong bus".  My boss stood up for me, but I have tried really hard to tell these 2 "good job".  I guess it's true no good deed goes unpunished.  Just kidding, I hate to get "talked" to, especially if I don't think I did anything wrong.  I would never say that to a little kid, maybe a big kid, because sometime those idoits do really dumb stuff.  Like today they were throwing nickels at each other and I didn't know what they were throwing...I said stop throwing stuff I have to clean it up!!  They told me it was nickels and I said don't throw nickels throw dollars!!!  Oh well, what can you do???

Bye guys!

A - ok

Doctor appointment was a-ok, no visable lumps or bumps.  Need to get a mammogram appointment. 

My stepson decided to not come home again last night, instead went to his mother's where he can stay out late with his drunk buddy's.  He did come home this morning (after we went to work) long enough to find some clean clothes and leave his dirty ones.  His mother must not have a functioning washing machine :).  When we finally get ahold of him we will be setting him straight.  It's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it.  At least I still have my sense of humor.

My kid's girlfriend i.m.'ed me and let me know that my son is coming back to this world.  His drunken spree is over now that his friends are all going home for the holiday and he's decided that he doesn't want that type of life.  For now at least ~ if you ask me.  I am always skeptical of 20 year olds...sometimes I wonder why God even gave them a brain they never seem to use it!

Plus he had broke up with her and I am sure he is missing her, and she is also coming back to town.  Who knows??  I am not counting on anything until they all reach 30 and then I am not holding my breath.  I am a much happier person that way! 

Have a great day ... I plan on it! 

Monday, November 22, 2004


As you can tell I think that it is a normal Monday.  Too much traffic, and too many problems with my children.  My ex's wife keeps calling me and I refuse to answer.  I am sick of having to listen to her constant whining about how messed up my children are.  This has been going on for 17 years and now that the boys are 20 and 22 years old I really think that I deserve a break from her.  My ex refuses to call me himself, God forbid that would mean he would actually have to take responsiblity.  My 20 year old is rumored to be out drinking and partying now.  Well no KIDDING!!  How in the world would I ever expect one of my kids NOT going off the deep end????  After all they have always had 2 sets of rules to live with.  One from their dad, who has never done anything except throw money at them, and lecture them.  Or tell them they aren't good enough.  And dear old crazy mom, or at least I used to be crazy now I am closer to normal, or at least I am trying.  I have come to the place where all I can do is be here for them.  And trust that God will keep them safe.  Put a smile on my face and know that this process called life will teach my kids what they need to learn.  It would have been a miracle if any of the kids would have made it without turning to booze, God all their parents have used it to deal with life how could anyone expect them not to, too. 

Dale came over after work Saturday and said, "Mom said that you want me to live with her", we told him it was up to him.  Afterall, he's 18 , but he needs to follow our rules.  He really came over looking for his cell phone, which is at the Nextel store.  We told him when he decides where he wants to be the phone subject will be answered. I refuse to give a kid a phone that lies, runs away from home when the heat is on, and owes me $250.00 for over use.  KIDS!!  My only satisfaction is knowing that someday they will get some of their own!  Hee hee and that day will come.  My mother always told me I would get one just like me!  After all what goes around comes around right??

Otherwise my exciting day involves going to the gyno after work, yipee, hopefully my short, doctor doesn't decide he needs to cut on me again, everytime I go there he discovers something that needs to be cut out!  :)  of well, life is normal and I am doing the best I can.  And I trust God, what else can I ask for??


Friday, November 19, 2004

nice and quiet day...

Click here to scroll down

This is how I feel about my children who are out in the I MUST trust that the angels are carrying them.  What else can I do?  Sure does help to relieve the stress level.  And today I am all about stress reduction.

Last night Mark called over to Dale's mom's house (Mark's ex) and asked if Dale was there and she said he came over there because "Rose yelled at him, about Stephanie".  Of course, mean old Rose is back to her old tricks again, disciplining HER kids, AGAIN.  At first I was upset, but then I remembered that sometimes doing the right thing does not make you popular.  Dale is on a life journey and if it means I have to play hard ball then so be it.  I have never put up with this type of behavior from any of the older kids and I won't from him either.  Mark's ex is famous for the answer, "I don't care".  And blaming everybody else, that is where her kids learned it from.  Mark was the same way until I got a hold of him.  Of course years ago I was the Queen of blaming others.  That kept me irresponsible for years... damn near killed me.  Literally.  But after 10 years Mark and I have really grown alot, and with that most of our kids have some sort of clue as how to be responsible.  Dale is a hard one, he has had 17 years of doing whatever he wants...we shall see how all this pans out...because personally I am at the end of my 2nd chances with him.  I have his cell phone, and I control the car insurance, he has a in school detention tomorrow for skipping classes Wednesday, so it's back to the game playing with this kid.  And he's really not a kid, he's 18 and I am tired of the disrespect and the games.  Mark is upset but he'll get over it.  He told me this morning that if it was MY kid I would be upset too.  NOT true, MY kid is having trouble, I am aiming to cutting off the school financing (not going to pay if he doesn't want to try) and at 20 he is old enough to be responsible.  Heck I was getting married and having kids by then!

So such is life, we watch our babies grow up...somebody at work told me her kids didn't think she was smart until they were 29, I guess I'll have to wait to be thought of as smart.  In the meantime I refuse to stress out about them...I will not die a slow death from worry...that killed my mother and it won't me. 

Gonna go catch up on my journal reading...there's no school today and I am going to enjoy my time off!!  It is so wonderful relax, with my white kitty on my lap and visiting all of you!  Have a great day!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.


Just had to remind myself...been very trying since I got home from home early and found my stepson here with his girlfriend (or ex...I thought they were broke up per her father the police officer).  My children are NEVER allowed to have members of the opposite sex here without me or Mark here.  Especially up in the bedroom with the door closed.  He promptly got mad at me and stormed out after I told him I was tired of his crap.  Oops, my husband agreed with me.  And now hubby is coming home and after Dale gets home from work we will have another talk...another talk...unless the kid runs home to mommy again.  Whatever...I have been there done that as they say, with all the rest of the 6 older stomping out and squealing tires does nothing to move me.  His stupid girlfriend just looked at me with her stupid dumb blond look.  The girl is 15 years old and acts like she's 2.  Ick!  7 more months, 7 more months and the kid will be graduated and out of my house.  Then he can see how great the world is on his own.

Ok I am feeling better.  It's annoyingly wet and rainy here and I am going to get off and drink a BIG cup of hot tea.  And then I am going to go get some Chinese food!  Thanks for listening love you!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

I am sure you all have heard about the Horton Quints?  Dad was in Irag and was injured and Mom had their babies.  Well they lost one of the baby's.  But a builder in my town gave them a home!  AND their home is right in my bus route.  It was so cool.  Today I went by their home and there's a big sign and I could see the little cribs in the upstairs windows.  Wow so cool.

Today was a 5 hour day, but for us it's more like a 8 straight hour day, because of all the hassle.  The highlight of my day was when one of my little guys gave me some homemade egg rolls yummy!  And during a quick break I ran to the grocery store and since I spent 50 bucks I got a free Starbucks.  I normally don't like to buy a 5 dollar cup of coffee, but it was free so what the heck!  I had Pumpkin Spice and I am still feeling the buzz!  Oh Oh I have to go to Dales Parent/teacher conference in a few minutes I hope I can sit still!  Mark is working still, he's moving the big machines.  And of course the truck he is driving is the one the younger guy drives and everything is broke on it.  This guy acts very irresponsible.   I still think youth is wasted on the young.  I think the older and wiser we get the younger we should look!  How does that sound???

Gotta go...Have a wonderful Wednesday!!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

It's already Tuesday.  It's kind-a drizzly and gray outside, but I am feeling just fine.  Dale came home yesterday...guess the grass isn't as green at his mother's house.  He was mad at us and his old crazy girlfriend last Thursday and had his mom come get home while we were at Liz's concert.  She always rescues her children instead of making them face their problems.  He missed school Friday, but at least he's passing his classes.  THANK YOU GOD he should graduate on time. He had to face us with an overage of $250.00 on his cell phone.  He is going to make sure he pays us for it.  He came home with a car.   The car he bought is a 1980 trans am and for an 18 year old he thinks it looks cool, but it leaks oil and needs an exhaust system.  My 20 year old son Eric called here Sunday night all upset.  He broke up with his girlfriend and I have a feeling he is failing school again.  I told him he should just quit school for now and concentrate on working more hours to pay his bills, then he could still be out on his own and not have to depend on his father.  He has many unresolved issue with his father.  So I guess he is doing ok.  The other kid Tim at Purdue is doing ok too, has a lot of test and he will be home for thanksgiving.  Ah such is life letting your children grow up.

I am experiencing the age old story of standing back and letting my children experience life...I know now how my parents felt ... to watch your kids make mistakes, have victories, saddness, and joy.  Guiding them but really letting them go into the world trusting that what you taught them will be remembered and that your love for them will keep them safe.

My prayers for all the mothers and fathers out there who are feeling what I am feeling...great love for our "adult" children and prayers for those kids to be safe and sound.

Happy day!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

The face of God

I just got back from the store and while I was there I saw these 2 precious little girls in one of those grocery carts that has the car thingy attached on the front...the ones that the kids think they are driving.  They were about a year old or so.  One of them looked at me and gave me the biggest, sweetest smile.  I saw her again as I left and she did it again.  Her busy daddy didn't even see her do it.  Normally I would have stopped to flirt with that little girl, but I didn't want to ruin the moment.  That little girl made my day.  She let me know in a split second what's important in the world and that is ... to show each other just how wonderful they are and that little one showed me! 

My decision to not let my hubby affect my mood really is spreading as his 20 year old son Dustin called him and wanted to fish at our trailer.  And I told Mark to tell him sure just lock up afterward.  The kid was thrilled.  Today I am going to fight negative and evil with love and kindness just like that little one showed me the face of God just a short time ago.

Have a wonderful rest of the day....I already am.

Negative Negative!!

Mark is in one of his VERY NEGATIVE moods.  He loves to talk a good talk but when the going get really tough he still hasn't figured out how to walk it.  His son Dale is acting up again and this usually has an effect on his mood.  Dale has decided that the going is too tough here so he had his mother pick him up Thursday night while we were gone.  He just upped and left no note, no call no nothing!  He missed school yesterday and since mom didn't call him in, it's unexcused.  Oh well! 

Mark is at work today and has to stay an extra 2 hours which you would think would make him happy, because last week he only worked 2 1/2 days.  BUT NO he's whining like a spoiled brat.  And now he is on me about money.  What he fails to understand is the amount of money or lack of that has been put out by that truck he owns He refuses to understand what a negative impact that had on us.  He may admit it and understand it but he refuses to understand that there is a period of time of recovery.  Trust me I take some of the blame for the mess, I spent money we didn't have, I helped the kids too much and I didn't work last summer.  I am about to the point of getting a job waiting tables on the weekends to shut him up.  I really didn't want to go into so much debt for this truck, but I went along with it...AND I refuse to be  little and throw that point up in his face.  I am a bigger person than that, and I don't like to say things that I will regret.  I work too, but that doesn't seem to matter to him.  And the biggest pan in the butt is he has a Nextel 2 - way radio to share is negativity with ALL day!  I totally understand that "this too shall pass", but when you are in the midst of this it seems like forever!!!!

" My plans for you  are good and not evil, to give you a future of hope" ~ Jeremiah 29:11


Thank you dear friends for being there for me.  I know that everything will indeed be ALL RIGHT.  And for today I will live a moment at a time and know in my heart that I am I am going on with my day...and try to be a blessing to someone else.

Friday, November 12, 2004

Last night was Liz's choir concert and it was very enjoyable


There is a lot of talented kids here in Oswego, Illinois.  She is in Girl's show choir, and they sing and dance.  She is getting quite good at making that "fake" show girl look :).  J/K she really did a great job, but  at 4 foot 10 she is such a scrimp.  The rest of the girls were alot taller than her.  They did a kick line and her short little legs were soooo, sooo you know short!  Oh well God made her just perfect!

I am still fighting a huge head ache, it's a cross between these darn germy kids and the weather.  I am going to find some coffee and see if that works.  Bye All

Thursday, November 11, 2004

I figured it out

Usa FlWell today is Veteran's Day but our school district has school, because of all the building delaying the start of school.  So much for respect for our VETS.  So I will say it God bless our a Veterans!  And go to work.

I finally figured out my AOL problem, I just click the link to the journal entry and I can read the entry without going back in time. 

My son Eric called me last night and told me he hurt his back at work and wanted my advice and being the super calm mom I am NOT, I freaked.  I said, "Eric, how could you hurt yourself, how are you going to pay your bills???  You have to come home, you can't possible take care of yourself.  What are you thinking???".  Oops wrong answer.  He got mad at me and called his girlfriend instead.  I called him back and said I was sorry and then told him what to do.  Wow, in the mom department I am not perfect, but who is?  All we can do is try right?  At least my kids love me no matter how much I freak out.  We shall see how he is today.  I don't care what anybody says it's hard to let your kids grow up!

Have an awesome day!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

I still can't get anything from everybody's journals...I can read the alerts, but when I go to the journal there's no entry...weird.  My system did a virus update yesterday maybe that had something to do with it.  Who knows.  My journal seems ok. 

Today is just a normal day 22 year old son Tim was going to come home this weekend to see the doctor because he was "dying" from the pain in his leg, it was so bad he couldn't sleep.  Well folks I've been with men/boys long enough to gauge their pain and what does or does not need to be brought to the ER, urgent care, regular doctor, or local Walgreens for a bandaide.  Men tend to be over dramatic especially my stepsons who must of only got attention for being ill.  When I first got them I used to ask them if they need to go to the emergency room and they would say, "no I think I'll be ok" ::: whimper whimper :::  So I guess Tim must of been healed maybe laying off the partying at the Frat helped.  Who knows, but thank you God he graduates from the school this spring and he can finally see what it's like to be out in the REAL world like the rest of us.  My poor coddled children I take full responsiblity!!!

Isn't a mother job to be the rock on which our children come to in their hour of need from the cruel world???

Anyway, all kidding aside, I am glad to hear the kid is doing ok.  And being a mom is the best job on earth!!


Tuesday, November 9, 2004

AOL insanity part 2

Is anybody else's journal's acting screwy???  I read the alerts and then when I go to the person's blog the entry not there.  Weird.

But I could never give up on good old AOL...I 've been with them since 3.0 and besides my husband would never be able to figure anything out...and I do love how easy it is to moveraround on I would miss all of YOU!!!

Oh well, I guess everybody has a bad day right???

Stupid AOL

Why oh why do I continue to stand by AOL when AOL continues to act up on me????  I have SBC DSL which comes with it's own screen names, e-mail, internet explorer etc.  I pay an extra $29.00 a month for this stupid AOL plus $29.00 to the phone company for my DSL and today like a naughty teenager it decided to not go to the web...freaked me out, because the last time this happened my computer crashed and I had to have a teenager fix it.  I shouldn't be so so hard on poor AOL afterall we have been together since 1997 and most of that time is with this old computer (covering computer's imaginary ears!!!) knocking on wood!.  And I have rarely had problems only scares.  And the only reason I have SBC dsl is because I had AOL's broadband it NEVER worked even after a tech guy spent 4 hours here on June 7, 2002, (I remember the date cuz it's the date my stepson graduated from high school), The guy even said I looked nice as I was kicking him out the door. 

Alas, dear AOL I forgive you...I promise to never ever take you for granted, even when I switched to 9.0 and I cursed you and switched back to 8.0 when you screwed my computer up.  BUT please STOP scaring me!!!  You are supposed to be the "good" one!  There are days when you are my only source of sanity!!! 

Otherwise a pretty good day!  They started digging the hole for Matt and Brandy's house (Matt's Mark's middle kid) and they are excited as they are tired of living with her parents.  The rest of the day was good, and I am feeling very well....Take care all!!

Sunday, November 7, 2004


agd5.gif - 3.9 K

We rode the Harley out to oldest son, Jeremy's house today.  And spent an hour of love, with our little grandson Jacob.  That kid is just so cute!  He was shy at first, but then he warmed up to us and we played in his sandbox/truck.  He also was trying to drive his battery operated truck thingy...he knows how to push the button to make it go, but he can't turn the the kid takes off and you have to chase him around and turn the wheel!  He loves anything with wheels and goes!  We had to leave after an hour because we had to pick Liz up from bowling.  She wouldn't ask her girlfriend for a ride because she was being her normal over dramatic self.  But what a great time we had.  I am willing to drive out to see him.  And who knows once that little chubby baby gets old enough he will want to go home with us.  ::::SIGH::::: I love babies!!! 

Saturday, November 6, 2004

See this little darling child waiting at the bus stop?  She's somebody's kid.  So trust me when I say God does look after the little children.  This week was spent trying to get the  little darlings to SIT DOWN!!!  My week was made more exciting by the firing of a driver who is the type that wants something for nothing in life and the only reason he's driving a bus is he's waiting for his settlement from another job.  He's a young guy who's probably is 150 pounds overweight and  DJ's on the side.  He fell asleep at a stop sign!  So he's gone.  Then there was another accident, she hit a parked car, that happened to have people in it.  Rumor is she left, stating she didn't know she hit anything.  She was off yesterday, but her job will be spared I am sure because of our Union. 

Sooooooooooo...such is the life of a bus day is spent pretending I am invisable to everybody on the road, especially housewifes driving aimlessly from dropping their kids off at school and pulling right out in front of me, businsess men doing sale calls on their cell phones, teenage boys with their seats so far back it looks like they are sitting in the back seat and truck drivers talking on their Nextel 2-ways, CB's and shifting while trying to steer their big rig.  God love the children as He must be the one making sure their short little trip to school is a safe one. 

So that was my week, hopefully the Halloween candy is gone so the little darlings don't smash it in my seats or have a load of it for breakfast.

And God bless me because after all this I LOVE MY JOB!!!  Crazy people and all!  Have great weekend!

Friday, November 5, 2004

....I guess it all comes down to that one simple word...I have always been the type to be self reliant...never count on anyone, even God because I would always be let down...always left alone.  God didn't answer my prayers to my liking so I was a very angry person for many years.  The other day Mark and I were talking about how crazy I used to act when we first got Married.  I used to fly off the handle for the stupidist reasons.  I figured if I acted crazy enough he would leave like all the rest...but he never did.   Now I am that I have stopped being so darn self-centered and self-reliant...I am much happier.  There are days I experience real JOY.  I think this is happening despite my circumstances.  I look at my life and sure every day I hate to hear the phone ring because it's another creditor wanting to know when we will pay them.  I still have a 98 Peterbilt semi sitting in my driveway.  I still have bills, but my perception of life and what it's all about is changing.  I am changing...I am beginning to pay attention to other people more.  Just like I did when I first straighten up...I was so happy to finally be free that I wanted to help everybody.  I guess it's easy to get caught up in life and become self-centered, wanting your life to be straightened out, to be comfortable.  But for me I have a lot of work to do on the inside...I am willing to go through all of the outside stuff to get right inside.  And if the rewards feel like I have been feeling despite the bill problems, I am so overjoyed.  I have my health, my family, my job, my community, a roof over my head and food in the house.  My kids are basically good and I for today I have NO complaints.  AMEN!  Have a wonderful Friday!!!

Thursday, November 4, 2004

This little innocent peice of candy, so yummy, so see this same candy... smashed on a wet bus floor??  Sticky, icky, smushed mess!  It's raining here again!  But hey what can you do?  I am trying very hard not to get sick.  Slept last night from 6 pm until get up time this morning.  Still feeling kind of funky but no more headache...thankfully. 

Well time to go...hubby's home.  Have a great day~

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

If you didn't vote don't even complain!

WOW!  I spent most of my day dodging wayward voters.  My area had a huge turnout.  Or maybe I just don't remember the turn out 4 years ago.  Four years ago my life was very different.  Four years ago I lived in basically what I call NEWSPAPER HELL.  I basically delivered newspaper everyday of my life for nearly 6 years.  Sometimes night and day.  I remember listening to the returns while I was out deliverying the Fox Valley Shopper which is a free paper.  What a difference 4 years makes. 

That's why I know that my life will change again.  It always does.  God always puts me through "life" to make me stronger.  Since I am so forgetful and will go back to my own self reliant ways I need to feel some pain until I FULLY understand that God is all I need.  Cool huh?  And is the pain worth it?  Oh yeah!  Especially when I get to feel the utter JOY that comes with knowing deep down inside that I truly am God's child and no matter what I do...He will love me and take good care of me.

Hope you all voted...we did.  So now it's time to watch the returns and all the commentary...think I will pour myself a big cup of tea, put some sweats on and enjoy.


Monday, November 1, 2004

I wish it looked like this today instead it looks like this:

And you know what that means???  WET children, wet foggy bus, wet stinky dogs, and a hubby that is at home.  But he's happy because he went and got his key for his Harley.  When we got the bike there was no key.  Too bad it's raining...and I have to work...and it's cold...and I have to work and IT'S RAINING!!!  I would love to jump on that bike with my handsome hubby and go...........

BUT I am a responsible a-dult and must stay here and work...oh well, someday....

Kids where all sort-a blah today...must be hungover...from Halloween.

I let Liz drive home from her girlfriends house and she almost hit a parked car...oops thank goodness the play is over she needs to practice!

gotta go...