What a difference getting off your rear end makes. Since my surrender to the Universe yesterday, I have been less obsessed with worrying and letting the old thoughts of my hubby, money, job, kids ETC occupy my head space. I tried to have a head party last night in bed but instead I simply said to myself, "here God you've always been in charge in the past. you take it". It worked! I just started telling myself a story and drifted off to sleep... I have always had a problem sleeping since I as a little girl. I used to listen to my little red transistor radio and pretend I was a singer. My parents answer to my lack of going to bed on time was to give me ice cream with creme de menthe liquior on it...no wonder I turned into a drunk! I don't blame them ... they did the best they could. After I stopped drinking (then my cure for not sleeping was to pass out, but that has it's own problems, drunks always wake up in the middle of the night, and when it was really bad I used to just have another shot...I shutter when I think of the awful cycle I was in) I went back to the radio and my story telling in my head. The story was always repetitive so that would always put me to sleep. I guess I still use that method. Or I'll just repeat a prayer that helps too. But I dropped the radio listening, it alway interfers with my dreams and I have very crazy dreams.
Anyway, my days and nights are better. I am feeling much happier and freer when I accomplish things, when let go and stop being so hard on myself. They are usually small, but satisfying. This summer is going so fast...my oldest will going back to Purdue August 13, and Eric will be going to a Junior College about a 1/2 hour away around then too. He has an apartment (dad's paying for it) with 3 other guys. It's been agreed that he will work and take 3 classes, hopefully he will get his act together and get some work down. His girlfriend will be at his old college nearby and she is very bosses and a very intelligent girl so hopefully her influence will help.
Anyway, it's all up to God now. I know we have free will, but as a parent, I know that I have to let go...My children belong to the world and God will take care of them. As for the 2 left here, Liz will be fine, my stepson Dale? Who knows he still thinks he can come and go between his mom's house and here. There's a skate park there he likes to go to. That will stop when school begins as if he doe not pass all his classes he will not graduate. I will not have that. But as I said God will take care of that too.
Hope all have a great weekend...love each other...tell your people you love them...make somebody smile today....I love you all...rose
3 comments:
Letting the Lord handle our problems does make them lighter, doesn't it? Amazing how much 'stuff' I carried around in my head, stuff that only stressed me out. **A favor please? Could you use a darker color on your entries. My eyes have been bothering me lately. It's hard to read light print. Thanks, Rose.
{{{{ROSE}}}}
you are right drinking has its own set of problems. I went thru that enough to know. Kids well they can run you crazy so I let go of worrying about them john
This summer is flying by ....by the way when I make lists and then accomplish those things I feel so in control of myself....it's when we let things pile high we feel out of control...good luck to you!
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